


the cautious approach

by Sylanna



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fighting, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Defense, Slow Burn, Trust Issues, academy au, mentions of Tarsus IV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2018-10-22 14:59:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 14,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10699398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sylanna/pseuds/Sylanna
Summary: When Jim get's beaten up by his date's gang, an instructor from the academy is there to safe him. Later, the vulcan offers him training in self-defense.Jim soon falls for his new friend, but his trust issues keep them at distance from each other. He knows he has to overcome them, because Spock means a lot to him, but it is a long and complicated process.





	1. struck down

**Author's Note:**

> -//- marks a shift in the POV

The door slammed shut behind Jim. He couldn't reach the fresh air soon enough. This evening had been a complete fuck-up. He should have never given in.

But after three weeks he accepted an invitation to dinner by that asshole Gary. The evening had started out pleasant enough, but then the topics became more intimate as Jim was willing to share on a first date. So he blocked and Gary kept pushing, harder and harder. Bringing up George Kirk's death was the last straw. Jim stood up and walked out.

Which hadn't been the best decision.

“Hey, Jimmy! Why did you go so soon? We could have had such a good time.” Oh god, that sucker had followed him. Jim also heard the steps from multiple people. He turned around and saw that Gary had brought his gang along.

“Just leave me alone!”

“Oh no, Jimmy. I can't. You're mine. Come back in?”

Jim nearly laughed hysterically. “Yeah, that's why you brought your friends with you. Fuck off, you asshole.”

“We'll, it would be far from me to ignore your wishes. Bye Jimmy.” Gary turned around went. Jim was relieved for a short moment, before he realized that the gang did not follow.

“Let's teach that foul mouthed idiot some lessons”, said mean guy 1 to mean guy 2 and 3.

Jim started to run, but for the three guys it was easy to catch him.

When the first hit landed he tried to defend himself. At first it was effective, but Jim's basic knowledge of boxing hadn't prepared him for a real street fight. When mean guy 3 hit his stomach, his legs gave way under him.

 

_It hurt. A lot. But it wasn't the first time Jim had been in a situation like this. But he had been rescued that one evening by a man. Admiral Pike had encouraged him to go to the Starfleet Academy, promising a better life._

 

A better life indeed, thought Jim. Lying on the ground, getting kicked by some brainless idiots, controlled by a cadet. He curled himself in to protect his organs from hits from the front and used his arms to protect his scull, the ultimate sign of giving up. The gangster however did not understand it and kept hitting him. When a hard blow came to his skull, Jim lost consciousness.

 

-//-

 

Spock had agreed to accompany Nyota to the bar this evening. She had convinced him to come by promising an interesting evening for him to study human courtship. Her reason for attending the bar was a male by the name of Montgomery Scott. She found him intriguing and wanted to get to know him. Spock had concluded by her speech that she had not the courage to ask him out directly and was using him as _wingman_. Spock found such practices highly illogical, since on Vulcan, finding a mate was generally easy. Well, for all _vulcans_.

As expected, Mister Scott attended the bar. At the moment he was in a deep conversation with the bartender about whiskey.

“How do I speak to him?”, asked Nyota from the side.

Spock raised an eyebrow. “You are a xenolinguist expert, I am sure you can think of something.”

“But if I get it wrong...”

“Nyota, you know more about human courtship than I do. You have to tell me, what my duty as _wingman_ is, assuming I am right that this is the role you want me to play.”

“Getting better with human idioms, I see. And yes. I know I should have told you sooner...”

“No offense taken. I value it as great opportunity to study human behavior.”

Uhura smiled. “Okay, but you have to help me get to talk to him.”

Spock nodded. “I understand. However, I never thought you to be shy.”

“Just when chatting up boys I like.”

“Noted.” Spock looked around in search for inspiration. He saw many couples speaking to each other. Not always happy. On the table in the west corner sat two young adult men, but the blond one seemed to be uncomfortable. Spock watched then with great interest.

Two point three four minutes later, Nyota returned to his side, offering him a drink. He took it out of her hand.

“Any ideas yet?”, she asked.

Spock came to the conclusion she spoke of his duties as her wingman. He considered his options, listened for a short moment in on the conversation between Mister Scott and the bartender and then decided on his course of action.

He stood up and joined the heated argument on the bartenders side.

 

This course of action proved to be a very effective move. As Mister Scotts voice grew louder Spock shot Nyota encouraging looks. She nodded and approached the discussion.

“I need a whiskey, gentlemen. Which one is the best?”

“Don't let these two tell ye anything, they're morons. May I give you an advice...”

Shortly after that, Spock retreated, overthinking his role in this whole encounter and found his participation rather useless. Surely Nyota would have achieved the same outcome on her own.

At a loss what to do now, Spock thought about returning to is flat. It would certainly be the right choice to make since he had an early class on the following day.

At that moment the blond guy Spock had been observing earlier stood up and walked in a fast pace to the door. His partner did not run immediately after him, instead he motioned some other guys to follow him. Obviously he was the leader of some sort of gang. Spock calculated the probability for a violent outcome to be 78.12 percent. The logical option was to follow and to prevent any harm for the blond guy.

 

Before he could reach the door, the gang leader back came in without his associates. Spock's concern for the blond guy grew and he immediately exited the bar.

What he saw made Spock nearly loose control over his emotions. The beautiful blonde lay on the ground, defenseless, getting beaten by the three gangsters.

Just as Spock approached the scene, one kick hit the golden hair and the boy on the ground fell unconscious.

“Cease what you're doing”, demanded Spock in a calm voice.

The three bad guys stopped their assault on the boy on the ground. “Back off, Vulcan.”

“Wrong. You will leave this place immediately.”

“We are three and you're alone. No one will help you.”

Spock prevented himself from rolling his eyes. These guys had clearly no knowledge of vulcans, despite living in a world that had embraced _alien_ cultures. Apparently, ignorant people were still easy to find.

“Well, then I will have to teach you something about vulcans. Be good boys and remember today's lesson.” Spock did not waste time on any more words and got to work. Humans were easy to break, so he had to be careful.

Two minutes, two twisted wrists and a neck pinch later, Spock was able to help the blond guy. He decided to bring the boy to the medical care at the academy, just to be sure he was treated right.

 


	2. irritation

 

Jim awoke in a sterile room with light shining bright above him. He had to wait a moment until his eyes adjusted to the luminosity. When he could look around without his eyes aching he did just that. He recognized the room as part of the academy's medical care center, because he had been there before, not only as a visitor.

“Oh, you're awake”, a familiar voice announced.

“Bones.”, Jim sighed with the hope of finding out what had happened since he didn't know how he had ended up at the academy.

“Good that you're awake now, kid. I was only _a bit_ worried when that vulcan instructor brought you in.”

Vulcan? Jim's irritation only grew with every passing second. “Bones, what happened? And what vulcan?.”

Bones just shook his head. “How much do you remember?”

Jim shut his eyes. “I was with Gary at that bar. At first it was okay, I guess. But then..” His voice broke a little bit. “He wanted me to go home with him – Of course I refused – but he wouldn't accept my choice. So I stood up and went for the door.”

“And then? Wait, did he beat you up like that?”

Jim shook his head. “Wasn't him. Well, not exactly.”

“What's that supposed to mean?”

Jim closed his eyes.“Turns out he has a gang for that. God, Bones, I was such a idiot for going out with him.”

“Shh, Jim, that wasn't your fault.”

“I shouldn't have given in to his courting, so it was my fault.”

“No it wasn't! Don't always blame yourself. You did not make him such a sick bastard.”

“Okay Bones, you win. But how did I end up here? At one point I was sure I was going to die, and I lost my consciousness. Just tell me, please.”

Bones looked down on Jim sympathetically. “Well, that vulcan brought your body in here and told us he found you like this. I nearly had a heart attack when I saw you. When the vulcan, who is by the way an instructor at the academy, found out I knew you, he asked me what I did know about your plans.”

“Did you tell him?”

“Only what you had told me about your plans. Then he asked me about Gary and disappeared shortly after.”

Jim had no idea how to deal with that. “You're sure he's an instructor?”

“Yes, because he teaches the two lectures about vulcan biology which are part of the xenobiology course every med-student has to take.

“The name?”, Jim asked, because now curiosity got him.

“Professor Spock, why?”

“I have to thank him for the rescue. When can I get out of here?”

Bones shook his head. “Not now. You have a concussion and multiple bruises. You stay here till tomorrow.”

“But Bones!”, Jim exclaimed. “I need to get out of here.”

“At least! No discussion. Most of all, you need sleep, so good night Jim.” Then the doctor held up a hypo. “This will help you relax.”

“Bones, please no.”

“I said no discussion.”

“Ow, that hurt!”

 

-//-

 

As soon as Spock had realized that the doctor did know his patient, he pressured the man for more information. Of course Doctor McCoy remembered Spock from the lectures and gave him some background details to what had occurred.

The whole story left Spock with the wish to remove this cadet named Gary from the academy. Bullying was deemed an unbecoming behavior by regulation. The first thing Spock needed to do, was to find out the full name of the gang leader. He pulled up the academic records and filtered all cadets by name. Half an hour later he had the information.

So Spock wrote a short message to the higher ups about the incident and strongly advised them to investigate Cadet Gary Mitchell and even dropped James T. Kirk's name.

Then he sat at his computer and stared at the open list of academic records. He quickly pondered if he should give in to his curiosity or not. Before he could rethink, he opened the file of one James Tiberius Kirk.

That's how he found out, that the cadet was maybe the brightest mind currently enlisted. He was on the fast track for command (currently in his last semester) and had completed every course ahead of his peers. Spock was a little bit irritated why someone with such a talent for science would choose the command track and not science or engineering. At the end of the file were some notes by Captain Pike, suggesting to put Kirk after academy on the new flagship under his command.

That surprised Spock not in the least. He knew that Captain Pike had already been promised the Enterprise and therefore was making plans on who would be in the crew. The new flagship would be finished in five months, which coincided with the end of vacation time for the students. After that, every new graduate would be given a place on one of the starships. Even some instructors would go out, Spock among them. Captain Pike had offered him the position of first officer aboard the Enterprise and he had accepted.

 

-//-

 

The next morning Jim left the hospital as fast as he could. When he got to his room, Bones was already waiting for him.

“Used your first chance to escape, I see.”

Jim grinned. “Nope, I've been released by your colleagues.”

“And how do you feel?”

“Like I've been kicked. It's not too bad anymore, but I can still feel it.”

Bones seemed to be pleased with that answer. “Well there's just so much magic I can do and I used it on your head.”

“Thanks for patching me up.”

“No problem. Should I teach that bastard Mitchell a lesson?”

Jim shook his head. “No. Leave it. Punching him wouldn't make it any better. Hell, it would make everything worse.”

“He would deserve it for his actions.”

“Leave it, Bones. I don't want to talk about it.”

 

Jim did not get his wish. As soon as he left the last lecture of the day, he professor at the front called out to him.

“Mr. Kirk, would you please stay?”

Jim was wary. “Why? Did I do something wrong.”

“Not to my knowledge. But the is another important matter.”

“Tell me.”

It turned out someone had informed the academy's supervisors of Gary's misbehavior.

“We received an anonymous tip stating you've been assaulted by Cadet Gary Mitchell and his associates.”

Jim understood what was happening here and also realized the choice he had to make. Either he made a statement or he remained silent. One action would let Gary and his gang go free and the other one would lead to Jim having to make a testimony. He had to choose.

 


	3. questioning

 

Jim had chosen the harder option, the one that would likely come back to bite him in the ass. He would testify against Gary. He would do it.

“We would like to have an official statement, one that we could use in a academic trial”, the man in front of Jim said. “Just in case.”

“Okay.” Jim nodded. “I can do that, I think. But how exactly... I mean, should I write something down, or else?”

“We would question you, record it on audio and transcribe it. You would only have to sign it.”

“When will this occur? I don't suppose you have a recording device other than your comm with you.”

“It's recording function will be sufficient. Are you prepared to begin?”

Jim breathed in. “Yes.”

 

Even half an hour later, Jim's heart still beat too fast. The investigator had informed him that the whole thing could lead up to an academic trial, where Jim would be questioned. It was suggested that the best way to avoid unwanted attention was to hire a lawyer. He did not tell the guy that he couldn't afford the expense. Jim lived on a small stipendiary given to him by Captain Christopher Pike, the man who had talked him into joining Starfleet.

Now Jim was standing at the door of the vulcan who probably had saved his life. Before he could rethink, he knocked.

“You may enter”, a voice sounded from the inside.

The first thing Jim realized when he opened the door was the heat. The room had a at least seven degrees higher temperature than the hallway.

The second thing was the person behind the wooden desk. It was the vulcan instructor, of course. He had the typical bowl cut and wore the standard uniform.

“Welcome, Cadet Kirk.”

“Professor.” Jim suddenly felt insecure. He didn't know what to say. His course about vulcan customs had not been very conclusive. He knew that he should avoid unexpected sudden skin contact and _illogical_ statements. He also knew most forms of human leisure activities were alien to vulcans, which explained why Spock was to be found in his office at this time.

“You seem indecisive. My I inquire to the reason of your visit?”

Jim opened his mouth, closed it, started again. “I just wanted to thank you for your help.” He couldn't look Spock in the eyes, so he focused on the a small statue on the table. “I most certainly would be dead, if you hadn't interfered. So, thank you.”

“It was no inconvenience and only logical to interfere. As humans would say: You're welcome.”

Jim smiled about the hidden humor in the last sentence and nodded. That meant however the conversation was over. Jim didn't want it to be over and quickly thought about something else to say.

“I am a bit curious what you've been doing in that bar that evening.” It was a legitimate question.

“Usually I would say it is none of your concern, but I understand your desire to know. I was accompanying a friend who had a date herself. I intended to use the evening to study human behavior.”

“What made you follow me?”

“I saw you leaving and the gang going after you. When your date came back alone, the only logical assumption to make was that something violent had to happen outside my line of sight. The next step was to go outside and intervene.”

“You brought me to Bones then?”

“If Bones is a _nickname_ for the doctor, then yes. Starfleet has the best medical treatment, it was only logical to bring you there.”

“Again, thank you.”

“Allow me a question myself?”

“Of course, go ahead.”

“In order to come to my conclusion, I observed you for a while. Before you left the establishment, you seemed very tense for some time. What caused you to be so anxious?”

Jim wanted to draw his agreement back. “He said some things which made me uncomfortable.”

“You are uncomfortable now.”

“Yes.”

“Your defensiveness suggests you don't want to talk about it. I will accept that, though I wonder why you did not inform me of that.”

Jim took his eyes off the table and looked the vulcan straight in the face. “Humans are illogical that way.”

The conversation suddenly died down. Jim felt uneasy, so he stood up. “Well, I have a course in interspecies ethics tomorrow morning. Good night, Professor.” At the door he turned around. “Before I forget it, someone has informed the supervisors of the incident, so expect to be questioned. They already got me.”

“Have a pleasant night, Cadet Kirk.”

 

-//-

 

As Spock had predicted, the investigator came to him the next day. He told his story and even mentioned his interaction with Cadet Kirk the evening before.

“Do you know why the gang attacked Kirk?”, the human male asked.

“Because their leader told then so, I believe.”

“Any ideas, why Cadet Mitchell set them out to get the other cadet?”

“From my observations I can only conclude that Cadet Kirk stood Cadet Mitchell up and left. The last one mentioned did not take that well.”

The investigator nodded. “Did you get what made Cadet Kirk leave?”

“No. But it must have been something Cadet Mitchell said. It made Cadet Kirk visibly uncomfortable. In our conversation yesterday I asked him, but he evaded the topic. Did he tell you?”

The human male negated. James T. Kirk's behavior remained a mystery to Spock. One he wanted to solve.

 


	4. interspecies ethics

The night passed without much sleep. Jim turned from one side to the other, his head spinning with too many scenarios of what could happen.

So when it was time for his first class of the day, he had dark rings under his eyes. Nevertheless he made his way to the auditorium. Interspecies ethics was important subject he had to pass this semester, no matter what.

The lecturer was already there when Jim arrived. Also the topic was already being projected to the wall.

_Interspecies ethics – the vulcan influence_

Jim thought it was a strange coincidence having this topic right after his conversation with the only vulcan instructor at the academy. Then he shook his head and chose a place in the middle of the room.

Five minutes later, the lecture started.

“When Vulcan and Earth founded the United Federation of Planets they agreed on a basic ethic codex concerning how to proceed when encountering new worlds. The most popular rule succeeding from the negotiations is now the prime directive. It's not only about not interfering with the native culture, but also about not taking sides in their battles. It was a point the vulcan ambassadors insisted on. And they did it for a good reason.”

Jim had already heard that in another lecture. He did not understand why the courses weren't better coordinated. But maybe the professor thought to be a good starting point for the following lectures, so Jim did not complain. He just settled in for a tiring hour.

In the end the lesson became more interesting than anticipated. After the short intruduction about the prime directive, the professor read a discourse about the history of vulcan. Jim, who had not researched this culture before hadn't known that vulcans once were very emotional and violent. He had only listened to the talk of humans and had assumed they had always been pacifists. That explained why the teachings of Surak were so important to them.

 

When Jim went to the canteen at lunch time he heard the whispers around him. Something about a cadet being suspended from the academy because of unbecoming behavior. Jim's mind rushed immediately back to the incident. Could it be...? Luckily Bones already sat at their usual table, so Jim went over to him.

“Hey there, Bones.”

“Jim.”

“Is something? You look like someone died.”

“So you haven't heard? You may want to sit down”, said Bones. “Nobody died, but something else happened and I don't know if it's good or bad.”

Jim followed his friend's advice and sat down.

“Gary got suspended”, the doctor told Jim without preamble. “Gossip says it's because of his behavior, but I think we both know the true reason.”

Jim only nodded. “Why do you think it could be bad? From my point of view it's a relieving development.”

“I asked around. Mitchell made a scene by promising revenge to the person who reported him to the supervisors.”

“Let me guess. He suspects it was me.”

Bones nodded grimly. “Sadly, yes. Do you know who it was?”

Jim shook his head. “No. It could've been the professor, someone at medical or someone who witnessed the incident. In any case, the supervisors had to investigate.”

“They did questione?” Bones looked at Jim with round eyes.

“They did and I told them what had happened.”

“No wonder you are on Gary's hit list now.”

“You scare me.”

“I intend to. I advise you to stay at campus for the next weeks until this is sorted out.”

Jim shook his head. “I may seen like an easy target, but I won't hide or back down. I will be the captain of a starship one day, this is just training.”

“You won't be the captain of any ship if this fucker Mitchell and his gang cripple you.”

 

It turned out that Jim didn't have to leave the campus to get into trouble. Three days after his overshadowed dinner with Bones, Gary found him. Jim had no clue how Mitchell had been able to get into the building, but here he was.

“Hello Jimmy!”

Jim wanted to run, but he was not able to. “Gary. You're not supposed to be in here.”

“Thought you could hide, you little shit?”

“Honestly, no. But I'm not afraid of you, so back off. You don't have your stupid idiots with you now.”

Gary sprung forwards an pressed Jim against the wall. Of course Jim tried to fight back, but he was unable to get free. He gave up when the other man's hand closed around his throat.

“I don't need them to punish a weakling like you. You know, you brought that on yourself, when you told the supervisors about the evening.”

 

-//-

 

Spock left his office when it sun began to set. He had been in his chair all day, grading papers.

No that he was finished for the day, he was on his way to his flat when he overheard a conversation in one dark hallway.

It sounded like a fight, so he got closer, to intervene if necessary. Of course, no human would have been able to spy on the two people, but the finer vulcan hearing picked up the words. He quickly understood what was happening there. Somehow, Gary Mitchell must have found a way into the building to torment Cadet Kirk.

“Should you only think about speaking against me in the upcoming hearing, I will end you, understood?”, the taller man threatened. “I know you can't keep your mouth shut, you slut!”

Jim Kirk's answer was nearly whispered. It sounded like he couldn't breathe. “Did not comm anyone about your crimes, Gary. I only told them the truth when they asked.”

“You stupid fucker!”

That was enough for Spock. He approached the scene and saw Mitchell nearly strangulating Kirk in his anger.

“I must inform you that you are mistaken, Mister Mitchell. It was me who wrote a letter to the supervisors, not Cadet Kirk”, Spock declared whilst making use of his combat training. The nerve pinch really was a most effective technique to put a threat to sleep.

 


	5. the offer

The choking left Jim breathless and he collapsed to the ground when Mitchell suddenly drew away.

When he heard someone say: “I must inform you that you are mistaken, Mister Mitchell. It was me who wrote a letter to the supervisors, not Cadet Kirk”, Jim thought he hallucinated. There was no way that Spock was there.

It turned out, the professor had really saved his life again. When Jim was finally able to breathe in and his vision cleared, he saw Gary being restrained by to security officers. Obviously, the vulcan had done something to Mitchell, because they had to carry him.

 

“Thank you. For saving my life again, professor.”

“Always, cadet. I presume he attacked you out of a wish for revenge?”

Jim just nodded, defeated. “I thought I could fight him on my own, or at least not cross his way.”

“Do you know how he got into the building?”

Jim just laughed a little. How naive was the professor? “Maybe he pressured someone to help him.”

“Certainly a possibility. However he will never bother you again. The supervisors will expel him from academy.”

Jim still felt uneasy. “I only will be safe in space, I fear.”

 

Jim's fear seemed to be correct. When he came home to his dorm room he shared with Bones, the doctor wasn't there yet, but someone had been in there. A small note had been slipped under the door, stating that Jim should consider himself warned.

 

-//-

 

After the incident, Spock went home, but he did not rest. He accessed the academy's camera feeds to find out which way the former Cadet Mitchell used to enter the building.

That's how he found out that there was no evidence on the recordings, what made the Spock very suspicious. Out of curiosity, he checked the feeds from Cadet Kirk's hallway and found something.

There, on the screen, he saw how Mitchell knocked first, then slipped a small note through under the door and quickly disappeared, probably in search for Cadet Kirk. Spock made a copy of his findings and secured it on his personal communicator, which had a video player on it.

 

The next morning, he sent another mail to the supervisors with another copy of the video, without further comment or explanation.

After that he checked his own inbox, deleted all the junk and read through the important news. Nyota had written him about her successful date with Montgomery Scott and asked if he would be interested in a sparring session in the evening. He replied, that he would not be averse to a meeting and informed her about the best time.

So that was why Spock was in the gym when James T. Kirk came in with a defeated body language. He observed that the young man walk over to the punching bags.

 

-//-

 

The next day went to hell very fast. Interspecies Ethics became for Jim a trip down memory lane, and not a good one. The instructor chose to take up the topic of the famine on Tarsus IV. When Jim read the headline of the lecture, he just wanted to flee. Unfortunately, attendance was mandatory, so there was no way of getting around this. What would his professor say, if he knew that Jim had witnessed the famine and the massacre, even nearly died in that damn hell? Of course, the guy would never know, since Jim never spoke about it. He shouldn't have been there.

 

When the torture ended with the notion of being continued the next week, Jim nearly screamed out of frustration. He did not want to relive the horror that had been Tarsus IV. To work some of the stress off, he went to the gym. Today, he had no patience to ask for a sparring partner, so he waited until a punching bag was free. Then he mercilessly hit the thing, while the pictures of Tarsus IV ran through his head.

Soon, sweat ran down his forehead and his knuckles began to hurt, so he grabbed something to drink and made a small break. Somehow he had the feeling of being watched. When he looked around, he saw the vulcan professor, Spock, looking directly at him. Not knowing what else to do, he nodded slightly and went back to working out.

 

-//-

Nyota was a easy opponent. For a human, she was very quick, but against his vulcan strength, she was defenseless. He taught her some of the tactics which would be helpful to her. After a whole hour, she was completely drenched in her own sweat and told he she would go for a shower.

When Spock looked around for a new sparring partner, he saw Cadet Kirk still punching the bag as if it was his worst enemy. The technique was passable, but ineffective. When the cadet made a small break, he caught Spock's eye and nodded. The vulcan took this as a sign and went over to the exhausted man, who had already returned to his bag.

“Everything okay, Cadet?”, he inquired.

Kirk just nodded, but averted his eyes, which told Spock that there was something wrong, but further questioning would not provide an answer.

“I took the liberty to observe your style.”

“And what did you see?”, the cadet answered calmly.

Spock breathed deep and then replied: “Your movements are aggressive and have a lot of force behind them.”

“And..?”

“The tactics are completely useless if you're attacked by a stronger or more than one opponent.”

“I guess you're right. I've never had the patience to learn another fight sport, maybe because my whole day is filled with my coursework.”

Spock nodded to himself. He knew about Kirk's goal to get aboard a starship as fast as possible.

“I understand. However since Starfleet is not an aggressor, it would be only logical to learn a defensive art.”

Kirk rolled his eyes. “Thank you for your advice, Professor. Unfortunately for me, there is no teaching going on I currently can fit into my timetable, as I've already implied.”

“Well, then I would suggest another course of action. I could teach you the basic of the vulcan self defense, if you are interested.”

 

 


	6. unconventional training

 

Jim did not believe what had happened. The vulcan professor, who had saved his ass multiple times had again offered his assistance. Well, it was more like the vulcan would give him instructions how to safe himself, but it was -

Jim couldn't find the right words. It was the first time, someone other than Bones made an effort to interact with Jim on a friend-ish level. All the other people had been more interested in his body than in his personality.

Spock had help Jim clean the punching bag and sprayed it with disinfectant. Then he had told Jim to get a shower. The vulcan had made clear that the training wouldn't begin before at least the next day. Something about clearing the schedule and finding an appropriate time frame. Also, Jim had been really exhausted. When he exited the shower he went straight to his dorm room, hoping that Bones was out.

His wish remained unanswered. The doctor was in the shared room.

“Jim, where were you?”

“Just training in the gym. I felt restless.”

Bones nodded. “Any bruises?”

“The punching bad did not hit back, so no worries.” Jim's mood went down a little bit with every passing second. “I'm fine, but I would like to go to bed.”

“Bad day?”

“The worst. I tell you about it tomorrow, is that okay for you, Bones?”

“Sure thing. Should I wake you for your first lesson tomorrow morning?”

 

Jim's mood was a bit better when Leonard woke him in the morning. He told his friend about his encounter with Spock, but did not tell him why the lecture about Tarsus IV had distressed him so much. One day Bones would figure it out himself, surely. After all, it was written in Jim's medical records, only to be accessed by meds with the proper clearing. The good doctor would one day achieve this status, Jim was sure of it.

He shoved the thoughts about Tarsus out of his mind and went to the canteen, together with Bones, to get some breakfast. Then they departed for their own classes. Fortunately no Interspecies Ethics today.

When Jim's comm signaled a new received message, he anticipated it to be from Bones, but it wasn't. The short text was by an unknown number, signed by Spock, who suggested a meeting in the gym at eight o'clock. Jim's answer was enthusiastic.

 

They met at the appointed place and then changed into their sports clothing. Jim recognized of course how trained and muscular Spock's body appeared and he wondered how he should ever stand a chance against the vulcan. Especially considering the other man's more than human strength.

“I won't teach you just to get more muscles, cadet”, Spock said as if he had heard Jim's thoughts. “Because there are a lot of strange sentient beings out there in the universe who are stronger than any human by design.”

“So, what should I do then? Run away?”

“Preferably, yes. Running away is statistically more likely to save your life than going into a fight is.”

“What if I have my phaser?”, Jim teased.

If Spock would show outward emotions, the cadet was sure he would have rolled his eyes. “A phaser is not always functional and the battery is easily drained. Knowledge of hand to hand combat is essential for every student of this academy. You know a bit about boxing, but it won't help you in a fight, as you have certainly realized.”

“Yeah, I have, no need to rub it in.”

 

-//-

 

Jim Kirk's mood seemed to go down a bit. He quit the unnecessary teasing. Spock understood the human behavior of course and was secretly amused by it. That was nothing he would ever show to anyone.

“What I am about to teach you is basically self defense. I'm planning to teach you some techniques originating from my homeworld and yours. “

“From my homeworld?”, Jim asked curious. “What techniques are you thinking about?”

“I prefer the Asian martial arts. For beginners they are easier to learn than any vulcan art.”

Spock knew that learning how to fight from scratch on was difficult. He anticipated many hours together with Cadet Kirk. Surprisingly the prospect did not repel him.

 

-//-

 

The vulcan was a good teacher, Jim hadn't thought otherwise. The vulcan's self-confidence was obvious, but not obnoxious.

That didn't change the fact however that the instructor had to have a mischievous streak. The first thing Jim had to do was running ten rounds.

“Why?”

“Do as I say. Explanation later.”

So Jim started circling the hall. When a soft ball hit his head, he looke who had attacked him and saw Spock with a basket of tennis balls. The soft globe had just been a warning.

“Dodge these and do not stumble over your own feet!”

Jim saw the first shot already flying towards his belly. He cursed loudly and made an emergency baking. The yellow threat bounced against the wall and was a threat no more.

But that did not stop the instructor from throwing another one.

By round five, Jim was good in avoiding getting hit. He was sure that Spock enjoyed the training so far. When the vulcan announced after the tenth round that Jim should collect the tennis balls, he nearly sighed loud.

“I think you owe me an explanation.”

“The running was to improve your condition, the dodging to sharpen your reflexes and by picking up the globes you stretched your muscles.”

“Well, running around would have been a bit dull, you're right.”

“I'm glad you appreciate my methods.”

Jim managed a small smile. “They're a bit unconventional, but for me it works.”

“Very well, then we can start now for real with the basics.”

Jim breathed deeply and then nodded. “Bring it on.”

 

 


	7. Amanda

Jim had enjoyed his first lesson, even if he had been a bit uncomfortable from time to time. The instructions often involved a lot of skin on skin contact and he just wasn't used to it. Of course, he craved human contact like everybody else, but trusting people enough to let them? Not a decision Jim made easily.  
After the training, Spock had offered to accompany Jim to the canteen, but he had declined. He had been wrung out and sweaty and had only thoughts about a nice cold shower. Now, after the shower, which had ended up to be really hot, he wanted to bang his head against a wall. Spock had obviously wanted to go to dinner with him, as in a date. The thought ended up to be painful, because he genuinely liked the instructor. There was of course the fact, that the vulcan had a strong and beautiful body, but without this brilliant mind it would just be an empty shell.

-//-

Spock thought of the day as a success. No student had failed the test he had let them write in the morning and the supervisors had agreed to give his lab more funds for research.  
The thing that the professor remembered the most was the meeting with Cadet Kirk. The student had surprised him yet again when he adapted so easily to Spock's training methods. They had even been able to start working on some basic tactics and moves. He looked forward to the next session.  
Jim had expressed a similar wish, so there was no thing that would prevent them from working out together more often. Spock had also understood that Jim had some deeper emotions for him, so when the cadet had declined the offer of going together to the canteen, he had been surprised. However, he touched his new friend's skin a bit later and only read the complete exhaustion from it, he understood.  
He took his replicated meal in his own room.

One hour later, his communicator ringed and informed him that he had a subspace video-call by his mother waiting. He switched channels and saw her smiling face.  
“Greetings mother”, he said.  
“Oh, Spock, you look so perfect!”, she exclaimed in her usual open tone.  
He just answered: “That is a biased observation.”  
“Come on, I am allowed to be biased in this matter. So tell me, how's working at the academy going?”  
“Satisfactory.”  
“You know, I want details. What about your colleagues?”  
“There is nothing to tell about them. What you would consider good news is that they agreed to my budget plans for the upcoming semester. The lad had been in dire need of some funds.”  
“That is indeed a nice development. What do you want to research next?”, she asked with some interest in her voice.  
“There is a theory about transwarp beaming I want to study and test, but since it is clear that I will be stationed on the Enterprise for the forseeable future, this topic is for someone else to research.”  
“So it is now official. You will be going on the new flagship?”  
“Yes, mother. Captain Pike asked me to become his first officer two weeks ago and I agreed.”  
“And you haven't thought of calling and telling me about this development? Spock, you have to inform me about such things! God, I am so proud of you, my son!”  
“No need to call on some earth deity, mother. And I told you right now.”  
She laughed. “Good to know that you haven't lost your humor.”  
“Vulcans do not possess humor.”  
“Tell that someone else, maybe someone who believes it. Now, about your personal life. The reason for my call is the request you filed some time ago.”  
“Indeed?”  
“Yes. The council has made up his mind and since they received a similar letter by T'Pring two months prior, they agreed to dissolve the link between you. This will take place tomorrow evening.”  
“Why is there such a rush?”  
“The male T'Pring has chosen in your stead is entering Pon Farr.”  
“I understand. I will not be able to come to vulcan on such short notice, so I guess it will be done from afar?”  
“Yes. The elder T'Pau has instructed me to warn you. It is possible that you will find yourself in some mental pain the coming days.”  
“I will be prepared, thank you for calling, mother.”  
“Not so soon, son”, she said and shook her head. “The dissolving of your link means you have to find a partner on your own. What about Nyota? You were talking about her a lot the last time.”  
“Nyota is a good friend of mine and a talented xenolinguist. She is in a relationship with Montgomery Scott.”  
“And other people?”  
“No one.”  
“I am your mother, you can't lie to me.”  
“Vulcans do not lie.”  
She just looked at him. He was glad she spared him her usual remark about him being half-human.  
Spock was always surprised how observant his mother was. For a human, she was very good in observing vulcans and finding out about their hidden emotions.”  
“Very well. There is a cadet I'm training in self-defense. He is – interesting.”  
“He?”  
“Yes mother, he is a male human.”  
She just smiled. “I'm happy for you - just don't let him slip away, okay? I hope he will be stationed on the Enterprise... What's his name?”  
Spock made a mental note to never tell his mother about his private life again. “Captain Pike has expressed a desire to bring him aboard the Enterprise, yes. His name is Jim.”  
“How did you meet?”  
“Accidentally.”  
She pouted, which made her face look younger. “No story behind it?”  
“It was a meeting by chance, so there is no story to tell.” This answer had the side effect of being no lie, but only a evasion.  
She seemed to accept his answer and changed the topic to her life and how Sarek was doing. Spock listened to her ranting about some things in vulcan politics whilst preparing for a long meditation afterward.


	8. rumor spreading

The next day started early for Jim, even if his classes started later that day. It was Bones who woke him up.

“What's up?”, he asked, still half asleep with his eyes closed.

“Haven't you heard?”

Jim opened one eye and looked at his roommate. The man seemed happy, which was a little bit concerning. “I was sleeping for the last couple of hours, of course I haven't heard about whatever you're talking about.”

“Gary's out. Finally.”

“What?”

“The supervisors have thrown him out. Apparently because of conduct unbecoming. But it is said that a certain vulcan instructor had a lot to do with it.”

“That's good news. So let me sleep”, Jim said and closed his eye again.

“We have to celebrate that!”, Bones insisted.

Jim ignored him for the sake of his sanity. Alcohol in the morning was a bad idea, he knew that.

 

Later that day, whilst eating his meal in the canteen, Jim heard the rumors.

“I heard that Kirk fucked that instructor to get his help” and “But I heard that his ex-boyfriend tried to hurt him and that's why he wanted him gone.”

He tried to ignore them all. However, when his instructors started to look strangely at him, it became uncomfortable.

 

So that is why James Tiberius Kirk hid himself in the gym in the afternoon. He messaged Spock before and hoped the vulcan had time for some training. Jim needed to punch something.

He had just started some warm-up exercises, when the instructor came in.

“You seem upset”, the vulcan said as soon as he saw Jim stretching.

“That's because I am.”

“May I inquire about the reason?”

“This morning, Gary got expelled. For a few hours I thought that would be it.”

“But...?”

“Some idiot started rumors about me.”

Spock looked at him blankly. “Rumors have no truth in them.”

“Well, obviously. But I think some of my teachers believe them. I got strange looks the whole day.”

 

-//-

 

Spock's study about human behavior came in handy as he entered the gym. Kirk's body language basically streamed discomfort and anxiety at him.

It was no surprise for the vulcan to hear the reason behind it. He himself wasn't too pleased about the rash development of the whole affair. Yesterday, he had to cut his meditation cycle short because the supervisors had wanted him in their office. They had questioned him again and written everything down. When they told him about their decision afterward, Spock wasn't too pleased. Their plan was it to keep everything quiet and keep the reasons out of public knowledge. When the vulcan had warned them about the human _tradition_ to invent stories in the absence of truth, they did not listen.

“I guess you do not want to talk about it, which means we will go on with our training.”

Kirk just nodded. “Again some reflex training or something else today?”

“In your words: Something else entirely. I think that you are aware that you won't be able to prevent from falling down all the time.”

Jim looked at the ground.

“But”, Spock said. “You can learn how to control your fall.”

The next half an hour, the instructor tried to learn Jim how to catch himself if someone should push him from behind again.

“These techniques date back to the Japanese martial arts, Judo and Aikido, to name only two of them. Both of them are relatively modern in their approach and I will teach you some things about the latter later.”

“And what is the goal today?”, Jim asked. He sounded a bit annoyed, but that could just be because he hadn't mastered the fall forwards yet.

“Today's goal is for you to learn how to fall down and use the momentum to get back up again. Give it another try.”

“And why can't I just do a somersault?”

“Because on a rocky subsoil, your neck and spine would be damaged or at least hurt. You would be instantly defeated. When rolling over your shoulder however, your spine, head and neck are in no danger and by using the momentum you could be on your feet and fight back after some seconds.”

Spock felt like giving a lecture, but it helped. At the end of the training, Kirk was able to stand up again, even if he still had to give himself a last push. It enough for the vulcan and he showed Jim the backward version as preview for their next session.

“Want to eat dinner at the canteen?”

The question surprised Spock a bit. He hadn't asked himself, because the last time Jim had declined.

“I agree”, he just said.

“Good. And by the way, I'm sorry for my declining the last time.”

 

-//-

 

Of course the canteen wasn't the place for a private meal, but Jim had not expected it to be so crowded. But that didn't matter. He was just happy that Spock had given him a second chance and had agreed to accompany him.

They ate mostly in silence and Jim only asked small questions. He remained observant however. That's how he found out that Spock had to be a strict vegetarian, since he chose the only meal without meat on the menu that night, which was some strange soup. He also observed that the vulcan wasn't repelled by Jim eating the bloodiest steak available, which was some relief.

Their comfortable silence shattered, when the beautiful Cadet Uhura came by and stopped at their table. Her expression was curious, to say the least.

“How's your relationship with Mr Scott going?”, Spock asked innocently. Jim was surprised that the vulcan was even able to do _small talk._ It showed that he wasn't the only one, because Uhura looked taken aback a little.

“It's going well. I just came here to inform you guys that there a some nasty rumors about you two going around at the academy.”

“And now you are here to hear a confirmation or denial, I presume.”

Jim just wanted the ground to swallow him whole.

 


	9. bad days

 

Spock was irritated by Uhura's insinuations. Additionally, he could feel Jim's distress. The cadet was projecting his feelings quite clear. It made Spock want to step in front of the man.

“I am a girl, Spock. I love gossip.”

He regarded her with stern eyes while he thought of a acceptable answer to her sentences. “A very human quality not everyone appreciates. I can assure you, that my interactions with Cadet Kirk are professional in nature.” This had the fortune of being the truth, but Spock still felt like he should add the world _yet_ to the sentence.

“I see”, said Uhura. “I wish you all the luck in the world.” Then she went to her boyfriend, who was waiting for her.

 

“I assume, she was teasing me”, Spock said whilst watching her depart. He tried to keep up the comfortable situation before Uhura had interrupted them, even if he himself felt a bit uneasy. Rumors could get very bad, he knew that. It did not help that Kirk seemed to take the insinuations very bad.

“Could be. But I am not a communications expert”, said Jim.

 

When he returned to his quarters, Spock had to check his communicator. There was an urgent message by Captain Pike. When the vulcan called his superior back, he found out, that they were to visit the Enterprise's construction site the next day. He had to cancel his meeting with Jim, a fact that he hated.

Spock hoped for the cadet's sake that these rumors would stop soon, because he could not be there for him in the next couple of days.

 

-//-

 

They didn't. On the contrary, the rumors got worse by the hour and at the same time, people seemed to loose all their restraint.

In the morning, Jim woke up, only to find a message by Spock on his communicator, canceling their training session for the day and at least the next. Apparently some mandatory meeting with Pike off campus.

Having the whole waking hours for himself was a prospect Jim normally liked, but this time it was different. He had really been looking forward to his training. Now he had to find something else to occupy his time with.

This something else turned out to be learning for the exams at the end of the semester. After two hours of concentrated work, he made his way to the classroom for a lecture of tactics.

On his way towards the room, he recognized the funny stares the other cadets gave him. It felt strange. They even stopped their conversations when they saw him. He felt like he had a contagious disease.

“Hey look, there comes the slut again.”

Jim turned around at this sentence uttered behind his back. Some guys, clad in cadet uniforms, walked behind him. He did not recognize them, but they seemed to know him.

“Do I know you?”, he asked with all his courage.

“Why should we socialize with such a slut like you? Out of the way!”

They pushed Jim against the wall without warning. He remained there until they were out of sight, before he went to the bathroom, trying to contain the desperation in his body.

 

Crying was bad. It showed people that you were weak. So Jim had to clean his face with cold water before going to the lecture. He hated himself for his weakness. As command track student he should do better. He should not be so easily overthrown.

But he had no way of stopping these rumors, fighting back would only make them worse and running away was not an option. He had to remain unmoved on the outside, but the bad and depressing thoughts kept coming back.

 

Remaining unmoved and calm proved to be a harder task than anticipated. The whispers seemed to follow Jim around the campus. He had found out two ways to cope with them. The first one was to distract himself with some mathematical problems or warp equations, the second one was to find out the names of his tormentors and giving them silly names. In a day's span, he had a whole collection of mockeries prepared. Cupcake and Marshmallow (guys who had him pushed against the wall) were the more friendly ones.

After the second day, he wrote a message to Spock: _It got bad here. Be prepared._

He kept his thoughts about quitting Star Fleet to himself.

 

-//-

 

When Spock got a message on the second day off campus, he expected it to be from Jim, but it was sent by Nyota.

_Found out the rumors were started by Gary's loyal henchmen. Names in the appendix. Kirk's not taking it well._

Before his departure. He had had a talk with her and had requested her help. She had agreed to look for the cadets who spread the rumors about him and Jim the loudest.

Her search had been very successful. There were five names listed in the appendix. That did not change anything about the fact that Spock was worried. Nyota was very good at reading body language, so he trusted her assessment of Jim's current condition.

When he got a message from Jim later that day, he saw his worries confirmed. It was time for him to talk to the Captain.

“It is my understanding that you hold Cadet James Tiberius Kirk in very high regard.”

“I do. The boy is very talented and holds great potential. I have already stated that I will take him with me aboard the Enterprise, haven't I?”

“You have. As your future first officer, I have to inform you of some troubling developments at the academy.”

“Something wrong with James?”

Spock did not deny not confirm. His answer lay between those two. “He is in perfect health, but the recent decisions by the supervisors have spawned some rumors concerning Cadet Kirk's private life. I had another cadet research the background and this cadet found out that this talk has been manufactured by the friends of recently expelled Gary Mitchell.”

“So you're telling me that the cadets behave like bastards again? That's hardly news. These kids are cruel ones, no one can change this.”

“But the supervisors could have made the reasons for expelling Mitchell public, which would have stopped the rumors from the start. Humans have a tendency to make up stories in the absence of truth. Also, I have received a message by Kirk that clearly is a call for help.”

“What is it that you expect to happen?”

“That depends on the future decisions by the supervisors.

 

 

 


	10. trust has to be earned

 

As it was the nature of things, bad days would pass and better ones would arrive. Well, at least that was what Bones had told him. Jim did not believe it, but after two days, it got gradually better. There were of course still the stupid henchmen of Gary, but he managed to avoid them just well. The rest of the students seemed to get bored quickly. They changed their mind to knew, more interesting topic. For example which pop singer was best, or what kind of scandal hat happened on Risa ( there had been a lot of scandals on that planet, obviously).

Jim almost got comfortable with the situation, even if he missed his training sessions with Spock. He missed them so much, that he in fact went online and looked up some techniques from Aikido. There were some that he deemed very interesting and planned on persuading his vulcan to teach them to him. When Jim had time in the evening, he practiced the things he had already learned. For example the falling without hurting himself. The Japanese term for it was ukemi, Spock had once told him.

 

When Spock came back, he was indeed impressed by Jim's improved style. "You've been practicing while I was away. It shows. Well done, cadet."

"Just wanted to impress you", Jim answered flirtatiously. "And please call me Jim."

"That would not be professional and we should appear so to counteract further rumors about ourselfs."

"There's no one around here, so no one will know. Spock."

Jim thought Spock would give him a reprimand for calling him by his name instead of professor, but surprisingly the vulcan remained silent.

"Since you made great progress with the ukemi, I think it is time to switch to more complex moves."

"Finally the last few days were boring. I mean, without your training."

"Glad that you take our sessions seriously. In Aikido, there are specific and relativly static attack moves to show beginners the techniques. The attacker grabs his partners wrist, for example and the defender has to evade or get free."

 

Jim soon found out that these things were more complicated than Spock had let on. Getting the correct moves was hard and also, from time to time, a bit frustrating.

When Jim claimed that all this fancy footwork would help in a real fight, Spock just raised an eyebrow.

"I am award, that many people prefere more direct approaches, but Aikido is more on the cautious and defensive side. Also, this fancy footwork as you call it, is just the basic. Of course in a real fight, not every technique is working out like in training. But as long as you keep moving, you are not defeated."

Jim could see the logic in that.

 

When training was over, Jim rubbed his wrist. It hurt a bit, because of the ways in which Spock had twisted it. The thing, which the vulcan had called kotegaeshi, used some clever leverages to bring the opponent to the ground.

"Did I hurt you?", asked Spock, who obviously had observed Jim's discomfort.

"No. I don't think so. It's a bit sore, but it's to be expected. If you had injured me, you would have known."

Spock nodded and changed the topic. "Do you have any lectures today?"

Jim thought about it and immediately regretted it. "Yes."

"From your expression, I conclude you do not want to attend this specific lecture."

"That's right. Unfortunately it's mandatory."

"May I inquire about the topic?"

"You may."

"What's it about? - Jim?"

Jim did not want to answer. Because if he told Spock, he would have to explain his reasons for disliking the topic so much. He was so deep in his thoughts, that it nearly slipped by him that the vulcan had used Jim's first name.

He bit his lip. "Interspecies Ethics. Tarsus IV."

Spock looked at Jim in a funny way, like he couldn't believe what he had just heard. "The famine on Tarsus IV is a highly interesting topic and tells a lot about human behavior. It also leads to the discussion if Governor Kodos'..."

"Don't even think about concluding this sentence!”, Jim snapped at Spock. “That bastard ordered the death of young children!”

 

Jim was now in full defensive mode. The famine on Tarsus IV was treated by the professor as one of the more recent examples for human cruelty. But of course, that idiot lecturer liked to use it for a discussion course – if the governor’s actions could be considered justifiable or not.

“You certainly have a strong opinion about the topic”, Spock said in that moment and broke Jim's chain of thoughts.

“I do have my reasons.”

“But I do not have earned your trust to tell me the background behind your emotions.”

Jim sighed. He understood the vulcan's way to express himself – had anyone else talked to Jim like this, he would have taken it for emotional blackmail.

“I really like you, Spock, and I am certain I will tell you one day.”

The Vulcan nodded. “I do like you as well, Jim.” Jim's heart nearly burst. Spock admitting to have a feeling toward him was marvelous.

 

Unfortunately, the good mood ended as soon as Jim realized that he had to go to the lecture. It was mandatory after all.

He bid farewell to Spock, laying a hand on his instructors shoulder and then walked out of the changing room.

When he entered the lecture hall, he saw that nearly every seat was occupied and the only free spaces were in the front. Obviously some interested cadets from engineering and security were attending the thing.

Jim sat down and watched the professor walk in.

 

 

 

 


	11. broken voice

 

Spock got concerned, when Jim did not answer his mails and calls. He had tried to contact the cadet after his lecture about Tarsus IV, with every intend to distract him. But with Jim not answering, his plans had been thwarted. So Spock had started to search.

 

Finding Jim wasn't easy and took it's time. When Spock finally spotted him, he had been afoot for at least half an hour. The top floor of the highest building at campus was only lit by the light of the city outside the huge glass windows. Usually crowded with studying students, the room was now mostly empty. One one lonely figure sat in front of the windowpane looking down into nothingness.

Spock approached the cadet on the floor and sat down beside him. Jim didn't even look up. He just kept staring into the distance, ignoring his surroundings. The Vulcan in Spock wanted to know why the cadet projected so much sadness and hurt, but his human side understood Jim's need for a quiet companion.

 

A few minutes passed in silence. It was not a comfortable one, it was laden with unsaid words and hidden burdens. Then Jim sighed and leaned against Spock's shoulder. Instantly Spock had, thanks to his vulcan upbringing, the urge to retreat. He clearly felt the distress Jim was experiencing.

Remembering his studies in human behavior, Spock stretched his hand out and laid it flat on the cadet's shoulder, fully aware that in vulcan culture this would be frowned upon.

As they sat there, it got a little bit darker, the sun began to touch the horizon. From their high up place, they could see through a gap in between the skyscrapers the beach and the sea.

“I like this place”, whispered Jim so soft that even Spock's ears had trouble picking up all the words.

“It's so high up...”, Jim's voice trailed off again.

Spock did not push him for an explanation. Somehow, he started to understand the horrible story behind these cautious words. He also knew, that he would have to hear it out of that beautiful mouth with a broken voice.

“Hiding in high places was important for survival, there. 'Could see hunters approaching.”

Spock remained silent at the confirmation of his theories, but his half human body betrayed him.

“You didn't know? That I lived through that federation fuck-up? Thought it was obvious...”

Spock felt unable to find a response to those bitter words, but Jim didn't seem to mind.

 

Half of the sun disappeared behind the ocean before either of them spoke again.

“The lecturer showed pictures of them, you know?”

Pictures of whom? Spock did not understand, so he laid his head to one shoulder to communicate his confusion.

“Of those who died – and of those who survived.”

 

“I do understand where your distress comes from, Jim. But to fully listen, I would need a bit of context.”

Jim sank down a bit and Spock feared to have broken some sort of silent agreement. He still could feel his friends emotions, even if the cadet now became calmer and the hurt died down a bit.

“I guess I owe you an explanation, huh?”

“I would not speak such a phrase since you do not owe me anything.”

Jim managed to smile, even if it was a pained one. “Except for my life. And sanity, at the moment at least.”

 

“My stepdad threw me out of his house. My mum, who felt bad for it, searched for another place for me to stay. She found a free bed at Tarsus for me. At first, I felt lucky for escaping earth. Leaving all the shit behind felt good, I guess.”

 

“Shit has a way to get back to you. When the famine hit and Kodos proposed his way of _dealing_ with it, I ran. Took some children with me. We hid in the forest, the strong ones would climb up trees to have a overview, to watch.”

 

“Seeing all their faces projected onto the cold wall in that dreadful lecture hall was nearly more than I could take. I still see them behind my eyes, you know, sometimes. How I remember them. Most of them so thin you could count their ribs. Some of them with empty eyes, dead. Either because of the hunger or the hunters.”

“How many children were with you?”

“At the beginning? Ten or so. Don't make me count. In the end, two remained at my side. All the others were lost. A saw a lot of familiar names one the deceased-list today.”

 

“And do you know, what is the worst?” Jim did not wait for an answer. “After I got home, I never ever looked over these lists, never checked the reports. Just curled in on myself and waited a bit.”

“The lecture today brought everything back up?”

“Of course. As I said, shit never leaves my way, and I learned to deal with it. Today I even had a bit of luck.”

“Luck? May I inquire why?” Spock felt, like he had, finally, earned the cadet's trust.

“They projected a photo of me to the wall. I almost did not identify myself. I'm lucky no one else made the connection between the emaciated boy in the picture and my sorry self.”

Spock shook his head and just took Jim's hands in his and leaned forward to press a light kiss to Jim's forehead.

 


	12. another place

 

When Jim felt Spock's lips on his forehead, he nearly started to cry. Deep inside, he wished that those lips would brush his lips and not only his forehead. But this wasn't the reason for his near breakdown. Because even if this wasn't a lovers gesture, it was the body language of someone who really cared. Spock cared for him – it was to good to be true.

Jim leaned more into the vulcan's touch he needed so badly. It said a lot about their connection, that Spock did not retreat. The vulcan even took one of Jim's hands in his own and offered comfort that way.

“Are you feeling better?”, Spock asked after a while.

Jim looked out of the windows and nodded absently. “A bit. Not optimal, but better.” It was, in fact, a lot better. His mind became more clear, because with every passing minute he was able to push back the hurt. He was so deep in his thought, that he ignored Spock's slight movement behind him for a bit. But then he couldn't anymore.

The second kiss on the forehead surprised Jim a lot. The last one had felt like a reassurance, but this one was different.

“I am glad that I could help you.”

Jim remained silent, at first not sure what to answer to this, but then he settled on: “You did.”

 

“Might I inquire why you did not go to Doctor McCoy after the lecture?”

Jim recoiled a bit at the question, as he recalled why he had fled to the highest tower of the academy. “He would have fussed to much about it. Anyway, he wasn't in the dorm tonight. Something to do with a girl.”

“So you searched for a place you feel comfortable at.”

“Guilty.”

“But couldn't have anyone walked in on you? You seemed not keen on company when I arrived.”

“I may or may not have hacked the security system and blocked all cadet's access.”

“Why not the instructors' ones?”

Jim looked up at Spock. “Needed no additional problem tonight.”

“What do you think about taking this conversation somewhere more private? The academy or starfleet grounds are no place for it.”

Since Spock's suggestion was highly logical, Jim agreed to it. “But where should we go? I now a few bars that are still open, but those are not what you would consider private.”

“If you are amenable, I would invite you to my flat. It's not far from the academy, but not on the grounds.”

Jim held his breath for nearly a minute. A vulcan had invited him to see his home. That was bigger than big. In general, vulcans were raised to be very private about their personal life. There was no way for Jim to decline such an offer – he wouldn't betray Spock's trust in him.

“I accept.”

 

Spock led the way, walking next to Jim. The distance they had to pass wasn't that long, it only took them fifteen minutes, ten of them to leave the campus.

The house stood in close proximity to the campus, but not on any Starfleet grounds.

“I was offered a flat at the academy's dormitories, but I declined.”

Jim grinned. “I understand the reasons. Not to be surrounded by noisy cadets all day is nice, I imagine. Not that I would know about it of course.”

“It's conducive for my daily meditation, yes.”

“On which floor do you live?”

“Top floor. That's why I suggested that you can come with me. The view is not perfect, but it serves it's purpose.”

 

Spock hadn't lied. The view wasn't bad, but it was not as spectacular as the one from the highest tower.

The rest however, Spock hadn't mentioned in one word. The first thing Jim saw, when they entered, was a huge room, with kitchen, table and a couch. Everything was practical, not much decoration was to be found. Three doors led to other rooms, most likely bathroom, bedroom and one room with a workstation.

The color scheme was oriented on vulcan's color scheme, so everything was held in a red tone. Spock stood next to the window and gave Jim time to take in the room.

“It's beautiful”, the cadet commented, not knowing if he complimented the room's appearance of Spock's physique. The vulcan looked gorgeous next to the moon that shone in.

“Do you need something to drink?”, Spock asked. “I can offer some fruit juices or tea. I'm afraid I don't have any alcohol.”

Jim grinned a bit at that. “No need for that, I think. Tea however would be lovely.”

“Which blend do you prefer?”

“Something with fruit in it, if you have that.”

“It will only take some minutes. You can sit down if you want.”

Jim did just that, but kept on observing the room (and Spock of course). It was obvious that the vulcan played some kind of music. In one corner sat an instrument, that looked suspiciously like something between a lyre and a harp.

“Do you play?”, he asked.

Spock looked back and answered: “Occasionally. Sometimes I pracitced with a friend who plays the guitar.”

“Nyota?”

“Yes. But since she has a new boyfriend she has other things on her mind.”

Jim nodded. “Would you play it for me tonight?”

 

 


	13. Testing the waters

 

And Spock did. He took his lyre into his hands and played he most beautiful tune. Well, it sounded perfect to Jim's ears. He just listened and adjusted his position on the couch whilst sipping his tea. The blend tasted a bit earthy, but with enough fruity flavor so Jim liked it. For a person who preferred alcoholic beverages over hot water this was the best compliment he could make.

When the music stopped, Jim spoke up again. “That was truly beautiful. Who taught you to play?”

“My father saw it as part of my early education, so he encouraged me to learn how to master an instrument. Since he played the lyre himself, I asked him to teach me and he did as I requested.”

Jim gathered his courage and laid a hand upon Spock's fingers, knowing what this gesture meant in vulcan culture. “I hope that he is proud of you.”

Spock stiffened a little, but did not draw his hand away. “I do not speak to him often. And if you want to kiss me the vulcan way, I can show you how to do it properly.”

Now it was Jim's turn to sit up straighter. “You -?”

“Vulcans are touch-telepaths. I could sense your obvious thoughts. And you should know that you don't have to feel insecure here. I won't harm or ridicule you.”

Jim nodded and concentrated on the soothing touch. Then he laid his head against Spock's shoulder, still holding the hand.

 

After a while, Spock started to speak again.

“I would offer you a place to sleep, if you are not averse to share a bed with me. The couch is not an acceptable space for you to sleep on and I'm afraid I don't have a spare bed.”

Jim thought about it. I definitely did not sound like Spock meant something more than sleeping in close proximity. Because about this _something else_ , they had to have a long discussion. There were issues Jim's former partners hadn't understood.

Jim breathed deeply before he said in a formal tone: “I accept your offer.”

 

It was a bit awkward at first, sharing a bed with someone. Especially with someone like Spock. There was a lot of shuffling around, well at least on Jim's part. Spock just laid down onto the right side of the bed, watching Jim and waiting for him to find a comfortable position.

Jim finally decided on lying on his left side facing Spock. He positioned himself so close that their foreheads could touch. When Spock moved a bit and took Jim's hand gently into his own, Jim was surprised.

 

The following week passed a bit in a blur for Jim. He had, for the first time in the last two years a boyfriend. Well, if he didn't know if he could call Spock that term. Finding a definition for their relationship was hard. The simple descriptions seemed to shallow, even if they hadn't done much more that the vulcan finger kissing and for that Jim was grateful. They went nearly every day to the canteen together and of course their training sessions progressed.

Spock even showed some vulcan fight techniques to Jim, starting with the nerve pinch.

“I can't always have an eye on you”, Spock replied, when Jim started joking about having a friend who could defend him.

 

When Bones found out about their relationship, the good doctor was not very supportive at first.

“Are you out of you damn mind, Jim? A relationship with Professor Spock?! That's as good as professional suicide, for both of you!”, the man ranted.

“Why should it be? He's not my instructor, nor will he be. I looked it up. And if you worry about the age gap, he's not that much older than I am.”

“I don't understand you, Jim. The past year you've told me on at least three occasions that you wanted a boyfriend who likes to cuddle and now your sleeping with a green-blooded hobgoblin from space who doesn't know what feelings are.” Bones shook his head. Then another thought seemed to cross his mind: “Are you sure it's not a case of hero-worship gone bad?”

“It's not. Relax, Bones. You sound like you want to rip Spock in two halves - Yes, he helped me through some bad experiences, but he became a very good friend and more.”

“You're defending him. How cute. How much do you even know about vulcans?”

“Enough to know that they have emotions. They only learned how to control them. Something that certain people should take as an example”, Jim said with a mischievous grin.

Bones began to laugh. “Good answer, Jim. I hope you know what you're doing.”

 

-//-

 

Spock had given the matter a lot of thought and then decided on getting some relationship advice from his parents. He sent a request for communication to his father.

To his surprise it wasn't his father who answered. It was his mother's face which greeted him.

“Hi Honey”, she greeted him. Spock spared her his usual answer about not being made out of this substance.

“Mother.” He held his hand up in the way of greeting. “How is father?”

“He's currently in deep meditation and I did not want to shake him out of it. I hope I can help you as well, but first you have to tell me how you're feeling yourself.”

“Adequate.”

“Did you experience discomfort when your bond with T'Pring was broken?”, his mother asked as next question. It seemed like she wanted to get over with this topic fast.

“It was tolerable.” Spock had nothing more to say about it. At first it had been unpleasant, but soon enough he had been able to shield himself from the pain.

“And what about this cadet you have taken a liking to?”

Spock wanted to sigh. “We have entered into a monogamous relationship, if that is what you want to know.”

“That's wonderful news, my dear! Tell me, when will you introduce him to me?”

“In time, mother. There are still matters unsolved.”

“Already having problems?”

“Not as such. He had some bad experiences lately, so I do have to proceed carefully, even if our minds are very compatible.”

“So it's easy for you to read his feelings?”

“Yes, mother.”

She looked at him, an inquisitive look on her face. “Have you tried a mind-meld yet?”

“That's the reason for my call. I wanted to know when father proposed melding to you for the first time.”

“About two weeks after we started dating. He explained it to me and I took some days to decide. You have to understand that humans are used to being alone in their heads. Be gentle, explain to him why it is so important to you and don't expect and immediate answer. If your minds are as compatible as you say I'm sure he'll adjust to it.”

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

 

“Spock. I need to talk to you”, Jim said to his boyfriend two days later.

Spock who had waited for an opportunity like this, nodded in understanding before saying: “I as well have something to discuss.”

When Jim's body language changed to a bit surprised and frightened at that, Spock immediately told him that he would not break up with him.

Jim just smiled his sad smile. “Let's see, shall we.”

They searched for an empty room to have at least a bit of privacy at the academy.

“Do you want to start with telling me what's bothering you?”, Spock offered in a neutral tone.

Jim had a sudden interest in his own feet.

“It's hard to talk about, you know. So maybe it's better if you start. Talking I mean.”

“As you wish. I have to warn you though, it has to do with vulcan biology.”

“As in biology Biology?”

“I'm sure you know that vulcans are a telepathic species. You may have noticed that I've been able to read your feelings and on some occasions the thoughts on the surface of your mind.”

“So that's why you were not surprised when I kissed you back for the first time.”

“Basically yes. But there is a catch.”

“What is it?”

“In general, vulcans get bonded at a young age to another compatible mind. It keeps our minds balanced. Since I lost the connection to the female I was bonded to long ago, she undertook the necessary steps to break the bond.”

“And now you need another person to bond with you. To keep your mind balanced.”

“Yes and no. Yes, a frequent and deep telepathic connection with another mind would help me a lot and therefore I ask you to allow it in our relationship, for I have no desire for anyone else. And no, it doesn't have to be a bond right now. There is a way to establish a connection with what can be translated as a mind-meld.”

Jim remained silent for a while.

“I won't push you into doing something you might regret. It's a hard decision, because it does mean you will loose a bit of the privacy of your mind.”

“How much will you know?”

Spock looked in Jim's uncertain eyes. “That depends on the depth of the meld, but you have some control over what you want me to see. I won't have access to your memories. You can decide what you want to show me. But you won't be able to lie to me or hide your feelings, which can be considered a intrusion.”

“What happened to the female you were bonded to?”

“She decided that another male was a better suitor to her.”

“I'm sorry.”

“I'm glad she did what she did. The connection had been failing for years.”

Jim just looked at Spock. “So you would like to initiate a mind-meld with me. Does this mean our minds are compatible?”

“I believe so.”

“Then prove it.”

“Not here where anyone could walk in. This evening at mine?”

“Sounds good.”

“Now, what was it that you wanted to tell me?”

Jim kissed Spock on the lips. “It can wait. I tell you tonight.”

 

-//-

 

Jim had been a bit embarrassed at how quickly he lost his courage. In the morning he had felt like he could finally tell Spock about his repressed sexuality, but when it was his turn to speak up he had not found the right words and given up.

Spock's words in the midst of the conversation had given him hope. The promise of not pushing him had sounded sincere. Maybe someone would finally accept Jim's way.

 

The evening approached much more faster than Jim would have liked. He had to go to two lectures and after that, it was almost time to go over to Spock's home. Jim felt a bit adrift, because he had no plan how to bring up the topic.

 

Spock opened the door immediately after Jim had knocked. They shared a heated kiss on the threshold before they moved over to the living room.

“You have every chance to change your decision. It depends all on you.”

“Thanks, Spock. But I have made up my mind to this. Literally.”

“Very well.”

“Tell me how a mind-meld is initiated. Is there anything I have to do?”

Spock shook his head. “Nothing in particular. It would be immensely helpful if you try to reach out to my mind and not push me away.”

“I have no idea how to achieve this, but I'll try.”

“That will be enough.”

Spock raised his hand to Jim's face. “I will have to put my fingers onto your meld-points. Also, it might be helpful for you to close your eyes.”

 

The transition to sharing their minds was seamless. It surprised Jim, how at ease he felt with the situation, even if he knew he should probably feel something else.

“You don't have to. As I predicted our minds are highly compatible. And if you wonder how talking is possible, it's just me projecting my thoughts towards you.”

“Is this right?!”

“You do not need to shout.”

“Better?”

“Much.”

Relief flooded through Jim. He had mastered communication in a mind-meld at first try.

Then another idea struck him. He could show Spock what he wanted to tell him.

He felt a wave of reassurance pass over him.

“Did that come from you?”

“I felt your distress when thinking about continuing our conversation from the morning, so I wanted to help you gather your courage.”

So Jim did show Spock what had really happened the evening with Gary. How Gary tried to push him to go to bed with him. Going on and on about the rumors about Jim being a playboy. And then, when Jim got up and left, Gary's bad reaction to it.

Jim then showed some glimpses of his former experiences – his first encounter with a girl, with a boy and his downcast mood after the sex. This led to him experimenting, then giving up and hoping that one day someone would accept his barely existing sexual drive.

Another wave of understanding, acceptance and encouragement passed over him.

 

-//-

 

Spock was not surprised by the memories Jim showed him. He had figured out that Jim was not too fond of sexual contact 1.73 weeks ago. As it made no difference to Spock at the moment, it was something he could easily accept. He only felt sorrow for the hard times Jim had to go through.

“You're sorry?”, Jim's voice sounded in his head.

“For the unpleasant times you had to go through.”

“Yeah, teenagers can be vile little creatures. I just kept it to myself, since telling someone that you're not interested in sex often evokes laughter. I tried to find someone who would like a relationship with me and accept me as I am. Turned out I had to wait a bit.”

Spock just smiled – at least that was how Jim interpreted the feeling washing over him.

“I'm glad I found you as well.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's nearly it. I don't know when I will publish the epilogue.


	15. Chapter 15

In the following months Jim was very glad for Spock at his side. The last days of university passed by in a blur and before he could even blink twice, he found himself aboard the new flagship. And a beautiful ship she was.

Spock was very happy with his position as First Officer as he showed Jim in their now regular mind melds. The first few missions to some uninhabited planets were boring, but Pike wanted the crew to get some routine with the procedure, without putting anyone in danger.

Of course, living on the Enterprise had it's downsides. Because of the limited number of people on the ship, gossip traveled very fast. Even Bones assumed that Jim and Spock were constantly shagging in their quarters. Jim felt uncomfortable with this, but neither he nor Spock would comment on in.

“Our relationship is none of your concern”, was Spock's general answer to prying questions, while Jim bit on his lips to stop himself from answering in a foul language.

“Why can't they just keep their mouths shut?”, he complained one evening, while they sat together.

Spock looked at him. “My studies have alerted me to some facts about humans. For example, they are very curious and love to gossip.”

Jim smiled sadly at these words. Not exactly what he wanted to hear. “We can't do anything against their talk, can we?”

“No. There is nothing. Just waiting it out.”

“Boring.”

 

The rumors about them took off, when Spock became highly irritated and violent some weeks later. When Spock explained the cruel works of his biology and pon farr to Jim, the vulcan looked as if he was about to cry. Jim just kissed him and told him not to fear. Together they would get through it.

The next day, Captain Pike found two requests and one application on his desk. One was for four days of sick leave for his first officer and Lieutenant Commander Kirk, the second for shore leave on Vulcan as soon as possible. Also, there was a marriage announcement and the application for shared quarters.

Because Pike was really fond of this couple, he set everything in motion, fraternization be damned.

 

Because of these new developments, the talk about their relationship died down after a while. It was replaced with gossip about Captain Pike. It wasn't exactly a secret that he was considered for promotion, especially after bringing in three new planets (with Jim's help on two occasions) into the federation. That meant, the Enterprise would soon get a new captain. If the talk was to believed, nearly everyone ranking higher than ensign had a chance at that position.

“I bet the other admirals are going to ask you”. Jim said to his boyfriend.

Spock looked at him, nearly smiling. “You know that I have no desire for this position, because it would mean giving up my scientific work. But in a way you are correct. I have been asked to provide the current captain with a list of people I would consider for the position.”

Jim didn't ask further. Because he was in a relationship with Spock, the vulcan wouldn't put his name on this list.

Oh was he in for a surprise

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I am sorry for my long absence - this was the last chapter.  
> I wasn't sure how I should end it, so I hope it's okay.   
> Also, the whole Nero-storyline does never happen and the ranks are made up.

**Author's Note:**

> Tags will be added as the story progresses
> 
> As always, I do not own any of the characters/names/places, I make no money with this.
> 
> Also, ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE, so feel free to point out any mistakes I made.


End file.
